Politics & Other Mistakes
Al Diamon
Al Diamon is a freelance writer and can be reached by emailing aldiamon@herniahill.net.
Recent Posts by Al Diamon
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Magic power
By Al Diamon - Feb 03A few months after the Berlin Wall came down in 1989, my wife and I were wandering around the eastern part of that city and came upon a little ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Don’t let them take control
By Al Diamon - Jan 27There are worse things than Maine’s antiquated system of county government. Cancer. Meth addicts. Newt Gingrich. And that’s about it. On the plus ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Dead man walking
By Al Diamon - Jan 21It should have been a somber moment, but the awful shouting intruded on the funeral service. The small crowd of mourners shuffled uneasily around ...
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It might never happen
By Al Diamon - Jan 13The Very Smart People have proclaimed the Democratic Party is about to reclaim control of the Maine House of Representatives. This November, ...
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Bad as me
By Al Diamon - Jan 07I’m an economist in much the same sense that I’m commissioner of the National Football League. Only with fewer qualifications. I actually know a ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
What were you hoping for?
By Al Diamon - Dec 31In his first year as governor, Republican Paul LePage did a decent job. Why did you suddenly roll up in a fetal position on the floor? Why are ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Indestructible machine
By Al Diamon - Dec 23The weird thing about the Maine Department of Health and Human Services is not that it wastes enormous amounts of taxpayer money. It’s that it ...
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Having a ball
By Al Diamon - Dec 16For my birthday, a friend bought me a baseball cap with the letters “TR” on the front. That stands for Templeton Rye, my favorite whiskey. But the ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Long term plan
By Al Diamon - Dec 09Since you’re reading this column, I assume you’re a person well-versed in the important matters facing this state, or else you’re insanely bored ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Three the hard way
By Al Diamon - Dec 02The current field of Democratic gubernatorial candidates consists of one who’s already run unsuccessfully, one who’s a member of the 1 percent of ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Doesn’t add up
By Al Diamon - Nov 25Ranked-choice voting “would ensure not only that the most popular candidate wins an election, but also that he or she wins by a clear majority of ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Twenty years on
By Al Diamon - Nov 18There are topics that are even more boring than a columnist writing about how long he’s been a columnist. For instance, a documentary featuring ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
The wrong words
By Al Diamon - Nov 11In the past month, a political action committee called Putting Maine To Work has sent me so many brochures that I no longer need to worry about ...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Man with a load of mischief
By Al Diamon - Nov 04According to the Maine Sunday Telegram, gambling is OK in Biddeford or Washington County, but if it happens in Lewiston, it’s pure evil. The ...
- OPINION: Politics and Other Mistakes
Creature from the Black Lagoon
By Al Diamon - Oct 28I don’t believe in ghosts. Or vampires. Or werewolves. Or other mythical creatures, such as Republican U.S. Senate candidate Scott D’Amboise. But...
- OPINION: Politics & Other Mistakes
Tourist trap
By Al Diamon - Oct 21To hear the experts talk, you’d think reducing the state budget by up to $100 million is a task only slightly less difficult than walking into a ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Out of control
By Al Diamon - Oct 14Would you want a business like this in your town? Not only does it lure patrons by offering an opportunity to gamble on games they have virtually...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Last choice
By Al Diamon - Oct 07It’s an outrage that a small group of devious political insiders has been allowed to manipulate the democratic process in a blatant attempt to ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
From a distance
By Al Diamon - Sep 30Moosehorn Crossing is a long way from... well... pretty much anywhere. Actually, it’s not too far from Scraggly Lake. But other than that, it’s ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Stranger than known
By Al Diamon - Sep 23In politics, things don’t have to make sense. If they did, there’d be no excuse for the tea party, Democrat Jon Hinck’s U.S. Senate campaign or ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Liquor blues
By Al Diamon - Sep 16“For great sale prices, there’s no place like Maine.” Can you guess what product that headline, which appeared in an ad in the Sept. 4 Maine ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Drawing a line
By Al Diamon - Sep 09Remain calm. You’ve probably heard that a special commission has failed to reach bipartisan agreement on a plan to redraw the boundary between ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Don’t say the words
By Al Diamon - Sep 02There are two words Kevin Raye doesn’t want to hear when he’s out on the campaign trail next year. No, not, “Buzz off, you mustard-smeared, ...
- Politics & Other Mistakes
Museum dreams
By Al Diamon - Aug 26This week, we’re joining a guided tour of the Maine Museum of Political Paleontology. A docent is explaining to a group of school children what’s ...
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A change is gonna come
By Al Diamon - Aug 19Just when everything seems perfect, something always screws it up. The liquor bottle goes empty. The dog barfs on the carpet. Paul LePage ...
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How they hate him
By Al Diamon - Aug 06Republican Governor Paul LePage has every right to be angry at Maine journalists for depicting him as a clueless buffoon with the political skills ...
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Dirty money
By Al Diamon - Jul 30As I walked down the corridors of the Ralph Owen Brewster Hospice for Decaying Political Ideals, there were no indications of despair, pain or ...
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Paid to play
By Al Diamon - Jul 23In a recent national survey that I totally made up, thousands of people were asked which of the following they would prefer to find between their ...
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Marriage madness
By Al Diamon - Jul 16Around 300 B.C., the Greek dramatist Menander wrote something that, roughly translated, reads, “Marriage, to tell the truth, is an evil, but it is ...
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Big boss man
By Al Diamon - Jul 09“Government should be run like a business.” If I had one share of Google stock for every time I’ve heard a politician or some other brainless ...
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Registration day blues
By Al Diamon - Jul 02When it comes to politicians debating important issues, I prefer them to get down and dirty. When partisan spokespersons accuse each other of ...
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All that you paid for
By Al Diamon - Jun 25I’ve got some deals for you. For just under $5,000 of your tax money, I can fix you up with Fred Wintle, a Republican state representative from ...
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Liquored up and lacquered down
By Al Diamon - Jun 18It’s possible that every member of the 125th Maine Legislature is dead drunk. We can’t know for sure until all the senators and representatives ...
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Big man got the money
By Al Diamon - Jun 11Until now, being state treasurer was like being a septic tank. Both attract attention only when something goes wrong. For instance, Democrat ...
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Got what it takes
By Al Diamon - Jun 04If you haven’t already done so, hustle down to Portland City Hall and sign up to run for mayor. Don’t hesitate just because you have no experienc...
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Strange bedfellows
By Al Diamon - May 30It doesn’t get weirder than this. A liberal Democrat from California wants to help conservative Republicans in Maine find somebody to run ...
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We are family
By Al Diamon - May 23Campaigning for office is easy. It’s governing that’s hard. The Maine Republican Party is still trying to absorb this simple lesson. And some ...
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Coughing fits
By Al Diamon - May 16Smoking isn’t one of my many vices. But that doesn’t mean I have something against those who’ve chosen that method of killing themselves. It’s not ...
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Going, gone
By Al Diamon - May 09Republican Gov. Paul LePage should do himself, his party and his state a favor by pulling a Sarah Palin and resigning. There are plenty of ...
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Your credibility’s shot
By Al Diamon - May 04He used his ability to appeal to a significant minority of the electorate to propel himself and his pals into the governor’s office. He appeared ...
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Driving in circles
By Al Diamon - Apr 25I have Peter Mills’ E-Z Pass. Mills is the acting executive director of the Maine Turnpike Authority. His pass allows him to ride on the toll ...
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Middle of the road
By Al Diamon - Apr 18Guess which of the following political entities is happiest about the way Republican Gov. Paul LePage is doing his job: a. the Tea Party, which ...
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I can’t recall
By Al Diamon - Apr 11“I can think of no single measure that would do more to strengthen the credibility of state government than … the institution of recall.” The ...
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Easily distracted
By Al Diamon - Apr 04Contrary to popular belief, Republican Gov. Paul LePage is not an idiot.Sure, LePage acts like one from time to time – on average, about twice a ...
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Down again
By Al Diamon - Mar 28Here’s a great idea for commemorating the 20th anniversary of Maine’s last state-government shutdown in 1991: Let’s do it again. Planning this ...
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Don’t do that
By Al Diamon - Mar 21Republicans and libertarians share many similarities. For instance, members of both groups are generally equipped with bladders.Of course, the ...
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Odd meter
By Al Diamon - Mar 14It’s time for that popular feature, Practical Advice for Political Nutjobs, the column that’s been proven by complicated scientific-type testing ...
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The road goes on forever
By Al Diamon - Mar 07If the Maine Turnpike Authority was a country, it’d be North Korea. Consider these uncanny parallels: Both the turnpike authority and the ...
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Flotsam and jetsam
By Al Diamon - Feb 28The list of young Maine politicians with serious prospects of someday being elected to higher office is shorter than Gov. Paul LePage’s temper. O...
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Too soon
By Al Diamon - Feb 21That’s it? That’s the budget that was supposed to transform Maine into – depending on your political orientation – either a business-friendly, ...
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I want fireworks
By Al Diamon - Feb 14I’m a law-abiding citizen. Except when I’m not. So far, I’ve managed to avoid committing murder, rape, robbery, assault, pillaging, insider ...
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Out of ideas
By Al Diamon - Feb 07I’m trying to help the Maine Democratic Party by coming up with a slogan for its big comeback attempt in the 2012 election. Here’s what I’ve got ...
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Family feud
By Al Diamon - Jan 31Republican Gov. Paul LePage is a remarkably consistent guy. LePage doesn’t just do stupid things in public. He can be just as big an idiot in ...
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Pregnant pause
By Al Diamon - Jan 24The Maine Republican Party has a death wish. Over giving birth. The GOP controls the governorship, both chambers of the Legislature, all three ...
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What's missing?
By Al Diamon - Jan 17After an intense investigation into the backgrounds of Republican Gov. Paul LePage’s nominees for top administration posts, I’ve discovered an ...
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Little things
By Al Diamon - Jan 10In the midst of the new Republican majority’s mania to reduce the size and cost of state government, I offer some advice and a warning.The advice: ...
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Sub Rosa
By Al Diamon - Jan 03Rosa Scarcelli is running for the U.S. Senate in 2012. Her husband is still running away from what he did in the 2010 gubernatorial race. Scarcel...
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Lie to me
By Al Diamon - Dec 27If Paul LePage’s wife asked him, “Do these pants make my butt look big?”, he’d probably answer, “Yeah, you look like you’ve got twin entrants in a ...
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I never promised you a rose garden
By Al Diamon - Dec 20Some readers have suggested that last week’s column was unfair to outgoing Democratic Gov. John Baldacci. They’re correct. In a lapse of ...
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Walking on broken glass
By Al Diamon - Dec 13There must be some kind of law that kicks in whenever a prominent politician leaves office, requiring every columnist and pundit to blather on at ...
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From carpenter to king
By Al Diamon - Dec 06In the wake of last month’s election, I expected Republican Gov.-elect Paul LePage to provide me with an inexhaustible supply of column material. ...
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The stain
By Al Diamon - Nov 29“If the diaper fits, you must acquit.” According to press accounts from 2003, that was the wording on a sign carried at a Statehouse rally by a ...
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In a perfect world
By Al Diamon - Nov 22My unbiased analysis of the 2010 Maine gubernatorial election reveals that most voters didn’t want any of the candidates to win. The proof? A ...
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Highly experimental
By Al Diamon - Nov 15Here at the Institute for Advanced Studies of the Effects of Sarcasm and Derision on Political Philosophies, we’ve been conducting a comprehensive ...
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Know what you're doing
By Al Diamon - Nov 08Any idiot can be governor. I’m not saying Republican Governor-elect Paul LePage is such an idiot. But if it turns out he is, it’s comforting to ...
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Winners and fools
By Al Diamon - Nov 01The Gaggie Awards are back. Not by popular demand. (But that’s never stopped state Rep. John Martin.) Not out of a misguided sense of public ...
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Celebrity gossip
By Al Diamon - Oct 25In the final days of a tight gubernatorial race, the campaigns tend to get desperate, then frantic, then crazy. That progression leads to ...
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Hit the jackpot
By Al Diamon - Oct 18If you’re opposed to casinos in Maine, there’s one way to make certain the state won’t be overrun with noxious gambling emporiums sucking up every ...
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Old and in the way
By Al Diamon - Oct 11You can get in a lot of trouble if you use the words “Libby Mitchell” and “old” in the same sentence. Just ask Republican gubernatorial candidate...
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Look like twins
By Al Diamon - Oct 04Democratic U.S. Rep. Chellie Pingree does this hilarious imitation of Republican gubernatorial candidate Paul LePage. It’s all the funnier because ...
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Over before it started
By Al Diamon - Sep 27It’s finished. The gubernatorial candidates can cancel all remaining campaign appearances. The debate organizers can forget about renting halls ...
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Behaving badly
By Al Diamon - Sep 20Getting a stern lecture on political decorum from the likes of me would be similar to being scolded by Hannibal Lecter for indulging in cannibalism...
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Cleaning house
By Al Diamon - Sep 13Maine’s government contains more than 300 boards and commissions — ranging from the influential, such as the Finance Authority of Maine (FAME) and ...
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My new excuse
By Al Diamon - Sep 06Charlie Colgan isn’t to blame for all the mistakes made by … uh … Charlie Colgan. Colgan is a former state economist (a job for which there ...
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Pariah dogs
By Al Diamon - Aug 30I’m a dog slut. I admit that’s not an attribute I’m proud to list on my resume, but it still beats being called a “dog person.” Whenever I hear ...
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Addicted to distraction
By Al Diamon - Aug 23I have just finished conducting extensive scientific experiments that required me to wear a white lab coat, to order my deformed assistant to dig ...
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Less of you
By Al Diamon - Aug 16I’m against reform. I’m not against it because state government doesn’t need reform. Obviously, it does, as anybody who’s noticed the morass at ...
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Illegal smile
By Al Diamon - Aug 09Suppose you lived in an alternative universe, and you needed toothpaste, so you could brush your alternative teeth and look hygienic. Unfortunately...
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Strangely familiar
By Al Diamon - Aug 02The clock struck midnight on a cold, starless night in January 2011, signaling the end of Inauguration Day in Maine. Earlier, Republican Paul ...
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Walking on a rainbow
By Al Diamon - Jul 26It’s the message most Democratic legislative candidates don’t want to find on their voice mail: “Hi, it’s Libby Mitchell. I’ll be in your area ...
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Badly drawn boy
By Al Diamon - Jul 19I’m not saying this is a reason to vote either for or against independent gubernatorial candidate Eliot Cutler, but have you noticed how he bears ...
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Moody blue
By Al Diamon - Jul 12Independent Shawn Moody of Gorham could become the next governor of Maine. Of course, all of the following would have to happen first: Democratic...
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Staring down the brilliant dream
By Al Diamon - Jul 05Kevin Scott has some great ideas. What he doesn’t have is a clue. Scott is an independent candidate for governor, which could lead reasonable ...
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Ignorance is bliss
By Al Diamon - Jun 28Maine governors do stupid things. Let’s start with the decision to run for that office, even though they have no discernible skills that might ...
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Image change
By Al Diamon - Jun 21Good news, Dean Scontras. Former Bangor Daily News political reporter John Day thinks you can win the First Congressional District race. That ...
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Spookin’ the horses
By Al Diamon - Jun 14Move over Freddy Krueger. Here come the real scary monsters: Libby Mitchell and Paul LePage. As the summer progresses, expect to see Democrat ...
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Plan B
By Al Diamon - Jun 09With the end of the long primary campaign, Mainers are facing an ugly reality. No, not the winners of the Democratic and Republican gubernatorial ...
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Secret desires
By Al Diamon - May 31Everywhere I go, people keep asking me, “Who’s going to win the election?” Often, my answer depends on my mood (which ranges from bad to horrendous...
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Foolish dreams
By Al Diamon - May 24There’s nothing in the Maine Democratic Party’s platform about free beer. There’s free health care. Free campaign funding for candidates. ...
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The powerless rise
By Al Diamon - May 17I’m an even-tempered guy. I don’t lose my cool more than, maybe, once or twice a day. Assuming I don’t turn on the television. Or read a ...
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Your words are not your own
By Al Diamon - May 10Plagiarism is a serious charge. So serious that even serial miscreants such as Tiger Woods, Goldman Sachs and ex-Democratic gubernatorial candidate...
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Wrote a song for everyone
By Al Diamon - May 03Political experts know the most important factor in a successful race for governor is the campaign song. Democrat John Baldacci wouldn’t occupy ...
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High ideals and crazy dreams
By Al Diamon - Apr 26I have nothing against conspiracy theories. Sometimes they even turn out to be real conspiracies, like Watergate, Iran-Contra, the entire Clinton ...
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Fed up and low down
By Al Diamon - Apr 19On one side of the issue, there’s a group called “No Higher Taxes for Maine.” On the other side, there are two organizations: “Still Fed Up With ...
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Gonna change directions
By Al Diamon - Apr 12Jesus didn’t help Bill Beardsley. That’s not intended as a negative reflection on the Son of God, who can’t be held responsible for the deficienc...
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Say what you mean
By Al Diamon - Apr 05I agree with Libby Mitchell. Sometimes. On other occasions, I couldn’t disagree with her more. Trouble is, I often find myself both agreeing ...
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Corporate love
By Al Diamon - Mar 29Here’s a modest proposal for resolving the problems associated with marriage: Abolish it. Think how much simpler life would be if there were ...
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Kooksville
By Al Diamon - Mar 22As every sane Mainer knows, the wackiest ideas for improving this state come from people in the immediate vicinity of Portland.Those weirdos want ...
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Tanked
By Al Diamon - Mar 15The term “think tank” looks as if it signifies something impressive. But looks can be deceiving. Consider this example: A mad scientist removes ...
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Get smart
By Al Diamon - Mar 08There are lots of theories about what’s wrong with Maine’s economy. Some people think the anemic nature of the state’s fiscal health should be ...
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Workin’ man blues
By Al Diamon - Mar 01Election years are always times of high anxiety for politicians. That may explain why they say and do so many stupid things. Such as this ...
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Don’t make promises
By Al Diamon - Feb 22In writing a weekly political column, you learn not to use the first paragraph to make extravagant claims you can’t possibly deliver on. Such ...
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Weapon of choice
By Al Diamon - Feb 15As amazing as it seems in this age of 24-hour-a-day punditry, there are still issues about which it is permissible not to have an opinion. For ...
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A clean mind and dirty hands
By Al Diamon - Feb 08Three people walk into a bank. The first, a soccer mom in Spandex, withdraws money from the ATM in the lobby and departs for her Pilates ...
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Operators are standing by
By Al Diamon - Feb 01Here’s the ugly truth about Republican, 2nd-District congressional candidate Jason Levesque: He earns his living making infomercials. And he ...
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Second choice
By Al Diamon - Jan 25The word “instant” makes me suspicious. When applied to food, it’s a synonym for “mediocre flavoring with a chemical aftertaste,” as in instant ...
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A fool for everyone
By Al Diamon - Jan 18Time to dispose of a few inconsequential gubernatorial candidates. With 25 people officially running, the field is filled with oddballs who ...
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Mean everything to nothing
By Al Diamon - Jan 11My favorite movie advertising phrase is “based on a true story.” Translated into English, it means: “more or less, a big fat lie.” That’s not ...
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21st century breakdown
By Al Diamon - Jan 04The office of Maine’s secretary of state has been around since we split from Massachusetts in 1820. In the intervening years, the secretariat ...
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Nobody dies
By Al Diamon - Dec 29Some things in life are essential – beer, the MLB Network, caller ID – and some things aren’t – tofu, Jay Leno, the Maine Department of Economic ...
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Gifts of the magi
By Al Diamon - Dec 21"Augusta's projections of future revenue are always much too optimistic." - Republican gubernatorial candidate Bruce Poliquin, blog posting, ...
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Liquor madness
By Al Diamon - Dec 14Raise your glasses and toast the financial genius who – without increasing taxes, cutting services or employing accounting gimmicks – solved ...
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Virtue and vice
By Al Diamon - Dec 07The problem with being virtuous (or so I’m told) is that it has almost nothing to do with actual virtue. But let’s give the virtuous the benefit ...
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Idiot wind
By Al Diamon - Dec 03Last spring, after the state Legislature rejected a bill that could have resulted in a wind farm being constructed on two undeveloped mountains in ...
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She's dead to me
By Al Diamon - Nov 23Olympia Snowe is doomed. Well, maybe not entirely doomed, but kinda doomed. She might survive her 2012 campaign for re-election to a fourth ...
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Road to riches
By Al Diamon - Nov 16The Maine Turnpike Authority wants to pay between $34 million and $56 million to build a new toll plaza in York.Don’t let that huge price tag fool ...
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Future wounds
By Al Diamon - Nov 13Welcome to the 2009 post-election trauma center. If you’re here to donate organs, we’ve got a long waiting list for brains. We could also use ...
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All the right wrongs
By Al Diamon - Nov 04With the end of another campaign season, it’s time to recognize those who may not have been successful in influencing voters, but were clear ...
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Be afraid
By Al Diamon - Oct 27This Halloween, if you want to scare the crap out of your favorite political activist – liberal or conservative – skip the fright mask, fake blood ...
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Road hog
By Al Diamon - Oct 19You probably live on a lousy road. I make that assumption not because you look like the sort of crack-in-the-asphalt lowlife that would only be ...
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Orthodox caveman
By Al Diamon - Oct 12Wanted: a right-wing wacko to run for governor of Maine. No experience necessary, but must hate abortion, gays, immigrants, welfare recipients, ...
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The winner and other losers
By Al Diamon - Oct 06By my count, there are approximately 14,308 people running for governor of Maine. Fortunately, you can ignore the vast majority of these ...
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Doom predictions
By Al Diamon - Sep 29Plenty of seemingly unemployable people manage to make decent livings even though they’re consistently wrong. For example: economists (the ...
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Death and taxes
By Al Diamon - Sep 22Here’s the simple truth about Maine’s automobile excise tax: If you don’t support the initiative on the November ballot to cut it sharply, we’re ...
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Song remains the same
By Al Diamon - Sep 15Welcome to Maine in the year 2019.You visitors from 2009 will be amazed at the technological advances that have taken place in a mere decade.We’ve ...
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Sins and promises
By Al Diamon - Sep 07Let’s suppose you wanted Maine’s next governor to be somebody who’d create jobs.There’s no app for that.How about a governor who’d somehow manage ...
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Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees
By Al Diamon - Aug 31The law of averages says if you put 100 monkeys in a room with 100 computers, they’ll eventually write a workable national health-care bill. Appa...
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Fiction of her dreams
By Al Diamon - Aug 28If you promise to read this column all the way to the end, I’ll give you $50,000. I’ll also throw in a new Porsche. And I’ll guarantee you’ll ...
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Down in the Flood
By Al Diamon - Aug 14A few years ago, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (motto: Cornsistently Rong Abowt Everyting) informed me I was buying a house in a flood ...
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Escape from the chicken coop
By Al Diamon - Aug 11In olden times, before unlimited numbers of free-range office-seekers were allowed to be-fowl – er, befoul – the airwaves with messages less ...
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Off the track
By Al Diamon - Aug 05I’ve been thinking about what makes a first-rate kook. There are at least 20 announced and unannounced candidates for governor, and we certainly ...
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Happy together
By Al Diamon - Jul 30There’s an easy way to make everyone happy. Well, not exactly happy. It’s more like an easy way to make everyone mildly unhappy. But that’s an ...
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Sunny side of street
By Al Diamon - Jul 20It’s good to be known as an optimist. It keeps people from realizing you’re actually a boob. That’s the guiding principle behind the Consensus ...
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Fat city
By Al Diamon - Jul 16You wouldn’t buy a suit from a tailor who wears ill-fitting clothes. You wouldn’t take suggestions for summer-reading from somebody who’s illiterat...
Can’t be wrong
By Al Diamon - Jul 09I don’t care if my state representative is sneaking off to Argentina to romance some exotic mystery woman. Given my rep’s track record at the ...
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Low expectations
By Al Diamon - Jun 28There are some important qualities I’d like to see in the next governor of Maine. But they’re all pretty boring. So let’s get to what I wouldn’t ...
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My aim is true
By Al Diamon - Jun 22I believe in having clear and achievable goals. For instance, my goals for today are: 1. Avoid work. 2. Drink beer. Residing at the ...




